Thursday, October 7, 2010

meeellions


 I have now made 2 million steps since may 28th. That is about 1605 kms. Bloody long way when you think about it. Where to from here? 3 million of course! 3 million steps and the the next "ichallenge". Keeping my motivation up, my stress levels down and trying not to worry about not losing weight "fast enough" or "as fast as other people". I'm not like other people, we are all different :) I am not going to a gym or taking weight loss drugs nor have I had surgery to help me out. I have a lump in my head that makes it hard to exercise, an arthritis that makes me really not want to move. Not defeated, still going, just reminding myself why I am where I am at and why others are fly past me. I'm in the slow lane but I've not stopped.

There has been a heap of stuff around lately about depression and suicide. This is one of my ways of venting I guess. Also of reminding myself that I'm doing MY best. That I'm not failing and that that little voice that sometimes tells me things at crap and that I suck... is wrong. I have spent the last few days holding other people together. One was on the verge of disaster. It has really brought a lot of things home for me. If nothing else, what a very long way I have come from breakdown land and the psych ward! Those days are long behind me now but I still remember that feeling of complete all encompassing despair, the terror and the absolute loneliness. Hearts and human emotion is a fragile thing. At any age it is something not to be trifled with.