Life, the Universe and Everything

On September 29th (2 days ago) the day passed as any other day for the rest of the world. For me it was a day of mixed emotion. It was the day I sent the email to the Wizard of Oz asking him to consider looking at my case. Apart from the emails I had to write notifying overseas family and friends of my mothers death, that was one of the most difficult emails I've ever had to write.

That same day was the 1st anniversary of the loss of our last child. My youngest son was here and had no idea, He played his games all day. Hubsand worked overtime until very late as he has been doing for the last two weeks. It was a very lonely day. I had a lot of time to think about things. I have two step daughters, two sons, and a step granddaughter.

My step daughters were a big part of my life until their mother panicked and fled with them. I didnt stop loving them, missing them or thinking about them. We have found them again with our beautiful granddaughter.  We have met up with one of the girls but not the other, neither have we met our granddaughter. My eldest son chose to leave us and go to live with his father a year and half ago and not see us anymore. I hurt to let him go. I miss him, I love him and I think about him always. A little over a year ago I fell pregnant with what would have been our fifth child, unfortunately it wasn't to be. I miss her, love her and think of her often. James is still with us. He has grown into a wonderful young man in the last 18 months. One day he will grow up and leave home. It won't be for some years yet but it's not too far away either. I love him, I will miss him and will think of him often.

I have learned that this is all part of being a mother and growing up. Its letting go of the ones you love and allowing them to go and make their own lives, mistakes, loves and dreams. It makes your heart ache, and sing and soar and bleed. It's the lonely part of being a parent. 

The Wizard of Oz

 He wants to see my scans! and "If surgery is an option, we will contact you via the contact details provided by you to arrange an appointment for proper and full assessment."

Hold the phone!

We have found a Dr in Sydney who does awesome minimally invasive brain surgeries and he is doing the brain port surgeries! I was talking to a friend this morning who recommended him as someone who takes on challenging cases that others wouldn't. He is pretty much the top of his field.

So! Plan of action after discussion with Hubsand, contact doctor of awesometude and see what he says! Plans are afoot for a trip to Sydney :) Let the roller coaster ride continue!

Scarless brain surgery!

www.news-medical.net/news/20100927/TONES-procedure-is-safe-and-effective-for-treating-brain-diseases-traumatic-injuries.aspx 

Please go and read this article! This is so very awesome! the leaps and bounds in brain surgery are just astounding! These miracles make my life a little easier to live. Every time I discover that some incredibly clever boffin has found another way to fix brains, I can hope a little more that one day they might be able to fix mine. In the meantime there are bunches of people all over the world (mostly the US and the UK who are regaining their lives and getting better everyday and that just makes me so very very happy!

I have also found a forum full of amazing information about this little bugger in my head. There isn't a lot about, they count for 0.5- 1% of primary brain tumours, occurring in approximately three individuals per million per year. Not very many people across the planet when you think about it. 
"Clinical symptoms may be intermittent, self-resolving, and nonspecific. Headache occurs in 68–100% of patients and is often the presenting symptom. The most common symptoms are headache, nausea, vomiting, papilledema, and diplopia. Other symptoms include progressive dementia, drop attacks, and spells of transient loss of consciousness. Some result in acute onset of hydrocephalus and may lead to sudden death." 
Doesn't that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? This is why I get so damn happy about advances in brain surgery. 

DOOOOOM!

My Pc had a total hissy fit this morning and is now risking a quick trip down the front stairs. Seems it feels it needs a new graphics card and or memory. HA! My memory needs replacing too but I don't just shut myself down mid work and have a little fail party. Not happy at all. All my photos and logo work for "Lamers Inc" is on my HDD and I would REALLY like to get at it and work on it Puhlease!

So! Now I am stuck with the "craptop of lame" until my PC feels up to playing nice again. So i cant play EVE, download photos from my camera, do an logo work or really much of anything useful. Looks like it will be cleaning and washing for today then. Not how i had planned things to go at all.

round and round and round

So, in the wonderful tradition of the perversity of the universe, my head has been playing up something shocking! 
In an effort to combat this unforeseen development I have been trying to concentrate on "other things" TM. So far this has involved photographing anything and everything that crosses my path and things that don't cross my path are soon moved rearranged and put in an appropriate position so as to BE photographed. To combat this particular distraction there has been rain...... lots of rain and gloomy light ....... Cue obsession with baking! I baked my tiny little brains out yesterday and photographed things in the process of baking, post baking, and about to be eaten. That all worked very well until I ran out of energy and things to bake.

I went to bed quite early last night with a fist full of drugs I LOATHE taking and woke up this morning with a head that felt like a Tim Burton sketch.
 
I am now stuffing chocolate cupcakes down 13 year old boys throat, much to his joy. The strudel has vanished and the huge roo and veggie pie looks like it will do part of tonight's dinner as well.

I need to find something to concentrate on that isn't going to wear me out so fast that is going to keep me interested and distracted so I can try and "ignore" my head until it decides to stop being mean to me. Suggestions please :)

Lameness

I was asked to provide a number of rough ideas for logos for a group. I submitted about 6. Understand that I am not a graphic artist. I am a mum who messes around with graphics programs on the computer a bit, NOT a graphic artist. Colour me livid when the submissions from myself and 2 other people are met with responses like "Can we just throw in money and pay a professional? These are all shite"

If you are going to ask volunteers to do something for you out of the goodness of their hearts you could have the common decency to be grateful for the efforts they put in. I could have done something else with the hours I put into the logos I submitted as I am sure could the other people who submitted designs. I might add that the people making complaints where not stepping up to submit anything themselves. Constructive criticism would have been appreciated. Outright put downs are not constructive. It is no wonder that more and more people walk away from volunteering.

I don't expect life to be a mutual appreciation society, nor do I want that. What is the point of patting each others heads and saying "There there, that's very good!" if it isn't? If something is not good and needs improvement, say so and explain how, offer help, offer suggestions. 

I'm very tired of people hiding behind sugar coated frosting or pre-fabricated cardboard towers. Be real and honest. 

I've had about 3 hours sleep after one of the worst nights I have had in a long time. I do not apologise for being raw.