Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Life is like a box of chocolates

A Bertie Botts every flavour beans kind of box of chocolates. There are the Strawberry ones, the sweet moments that make your heart mushy. The Peanut Brittle ones, for those tough times when you feel like you may just break. The Minty ones, those times where everything is clean and clear. The Sick flavoured ones, self-explanatory. Marshmallow for those times when life is cushy and floaty. Then there are the Onion ones, those are the ones that bring you to your knees and you can't stop the tears.

Hello Onion chocolates! I have had some pretty Peanut Brittle time in my life. There have also been Onion moments. Right now it is Peanut Brittle and Onions..... Quite the combination!

The Peanut Brittle - knowing I have an exam on Saturday, an assignment to do with a topic I loathe the more I look at it and the opportunity to rewrite the previous one, two more exams before the end. My Husband is having some peanut brittle moments with his study as is my Son. It is the Peanut Brittle end of semester.

The Onion - Living with my father three days a week. He is shrinking away before my eyes. He finds breathing more and more difficult. Some days are better than others. I have some people ask me why his doctor is bothering to do anything to keep him going and my own doctor offering to write him prescriptions for opiates to make things more comfortable for him. Don't get me wrong, he isn't about to drop off the planet tomorrow, but then there is a possibility he might.

I have managed to get him to stop taking his insulin (was backed up by him diabetic care team yesterday). His BGL was getting far too low. It is better now, I don't have to worry so much about him dropping off quietly into a coma or dying in his sleep. I bought him a wheel chair some months ago so that he can go out with family or friends on days he isn't breathing so well. I have been looking at shower chairs as he is finding it more and more difficult to dry himself after showering. I think we have come up with an alternate solution, getting a chair for the bathroom so that he can sit after the shower and dry himself. Today were going to look at a bunch of wheelie walkers to see if we could find one that works for him so he could regain some independence and have somewhere to sit if he runs out of breath part way through a shop etc. We didn't make it there today, next time if/when we do, and he can hire to see if whatever he likes will work for him.

Last week I had to send him to bead each night. One of those nights he woke up at 1 and wasn't really awake but was not feeling 'right'. I took his temp, tucked the blankets in around his back and settled him down and he went back off to sleep. On the weekend I had to help him put his jacket on and thread his belt through the belt loops on his jeans. Last night I had to send him to bed. When he got there he couldn't get the last three buttons on his shirt undone, he couldn't get the bottom on his jeans undone either. So, we got the shirt and the jeans off, got the pyjama shirt on but couldn't manage the buttons, there he tried putting both legs on one leg of his PJ pants. Got him sorted out, lifted his legs into bed tucked him in and turned out the light. I left the bedroom doors open 'just in case'. I spent the next hour lying in bed listening to him moan in pain in his sleep.

Onion chocolates suck. I had a little cry as I went to sleep. Today, as I mentioned earlier, was a bad day for him. Tonight I came home to my own home, he didn't really want me to go, and I've had quite a bit of a cry (Including writing this). I came home to a beautiful, thoughtful and unexpected gift from my very dear friends on Flinders Island. I also received the tickets I bought for the three of us and Dad to see a show at the end of the month.

It has been a hard week. I have a full day of University tomorrow and another on Friday so I can study AND go to lectures. Saturday is exam day. Sometimes I feel like I would like to throw my hands in the air and run away.

I am glad that some of Dad’s family have started visiting him and or calling him. It brightens him up.