Tuesday, August 19, 2014

3 years 6 months

Last post I left you with a wall of text. This one not so much

So I’m 3 and a half years post op, so far, so good.  There have been some hurdles, bumps in the road and a bit of cha-cha (two steps forward one step back).

When my Mother passed away I knew it was coming. She had lung cancer; there is as yet no cure so it was ‘expected’.  My Fathers death has affected me far more than I thought it would.  I knew that he probably would not make it through this winter. Living with him three days a week made it more and more apparent. I was aware it was a very real possibility but I was not prepared for him to go so suddenly and certainly not the way it happened. 

Thinking about it logically, it makes more sense to me now why it has hit so hard.

In 2007, the year my Mother passed away, I was spending weeks at a time with them taking care of them both. He had a lung infection and she was having chemo, she couldn't afford to get his lung infection and he couldn't do much himself.  It was things like cleaning, cooking, helping my mother shower, drying her and shaving those three hairs on her legs.

When she went to hospital and then slipped into a coma, my youngest brother and I took shifts sitting with Mum and Dad so dad could get some sleep. I sat with Dad and helped him make the decision to let her go and sat holding their hands as she passed. That was 2 weeks before Christmas 2007.

Dad came home from the hospital and lived with us for 18 months. He bought a house after the first year but took six months for him to move into it because he was moving in without Mum. While he was moving in I was helping to unpack boxes. There were ‘landmines’ everywhere. The landmines were mums things. They had sold their house and put everything in storage for when they bought a new house together. Each box was peppered with things that belonged to mum. There are still piles of boxes as yet unopened or half unpacked and put back.

Dad would come around every day. It was for a cup of tea or a trip to the shop. We had ‘family night’ when Dad would come for dinner. If I hadn’t heard from him in 48 hours I would phone him. He would go on trips with one of his brothers which seemed to cheer him up and breathe some new life into him.
Anyway, the point is, he was here every day. I saw him every day. He was a constant in my life. THAT is why it has hit so hard.

I have deferred University until 2015. I cannot think clearly enough to make it through this semester. I would prefer to put it off and do a better job than try to struggle through and mess it all up. I still want to be a part of the research to cure brain tumours. I need to do this. While I am out I will be tackling some independent study to ‘keep my hand (brain) in’.

I took some time out and went to Melbourne for a few days. It helped to be away from things for a while. I will be going back mid (ish) September for a week and then on to Sydney for a week. I have booked in for the Sydney Harbour bridge climb on September 30th. This will be the second of three bridge climbs I promised myself that I would do.

I have discovered ‘Because I said I would’. I am finding the promise cards to be very helpful and will be filling out more very soon. This is where you can find out more about it and start yourself off. because I said I would These are some of the ones I have filled out so far.

So, at 3 and a half years, I am 2 ½ to 3 years in credit. I am starting to plan my 4 year Brainaversary. Starting the new year of that second chance at life with a dawn photo walk seems to the biggest part of the tradition now. Hooray for a second chance at life.