Recovery

Its been 6 weeks since I had brain surgery. Some days it feels like it was yesterday others it feels like it was years ago. My memory is a little messed up since the surgery but it is improving all the time. There are some holes in it some really big ones that frighten me a little and smaller ones which are more easily explained by tiredness + recovery = forgetting things.

The big thing that disappeared down the rabbit hole was that during surgery I lost quite a bit of blood and ended up having a transfusion. I have no memory of anyone telling me about it at all until i was my local doctor a couple of weeks ago. It was quite a shock to discover how close I had come to not making it through the surgery at all. 

Anyway. Next week I fly back down for my post op check up with the neurosurgeon so we'll see how that goes and if there are any other things to be discovered that I don't remember  Everything seems to be healing up well on the outside at least 

     Day2 Week 6

Cleaning up

 In an effort to de-clutter I have deleted for evermore my LJ account.

I am currently going through the process of having to document all logins and passwords for.. well everything so removing unnecessary logins and passwords is a good thing :) LJ was double handling and also dealing with people I didn't necessarily need to be involved with any more ... also part of the "de-cluttering"

There is paperwork to do and lists to be made as my life, as it stands, seems to resemble something more like a small collection of words and papers and less the vibrant collection of memories and joy I remember. This is not a process I recommend to the faint of heart or the weak of will. 

6 to go

 Six weeks til operation brain de-pressurisation!

The Amazing Wizard of Oz will be doing open brain surgery to remove the lump which has been intermittently blocking and unblocking the flow of CSF through my brain. Its been doing that in such a way and for long enough that it has distorted my brain and made it asymmetrical. As I have a brain of ultimate trickiness the neat tidy and minimally invasive method of endoscopy is not an option. However I have the most awesome Neurosurgeon on the planet tinkering with my brain so if he says open brain surgery is the most comfortable way for him to go with this I am not going to argue!

A friend of mine has offered to help me document this whole process. Quite a big deal really. I have the words stuck in my head and have trouble getting them out. sometimes it feels like as soon as I have an original thought it is snatched away from me as soon as I start to write, type or speak it. I also feel a lot of the time like someone stole my vocab and left me with a year 5 or 6 vocab. I KNOW I know more words than this... but I can access them.. someone locked the files. Its very frustrating. So this process of documenting could be a very big challenge for both of us. Me trying to get it out and her trying to interpret it and make it sound intelligent and beautiful. Ah well it is a challenge :)

Either way this is a journey and certainly not one that is going to be easy. Good thing I'm not afraid of hard work. Thank you to my friends who are still here with me, the new ones and the old ones. So many have left out of fear. I can't thank my family enough for the trials and the challenges they have face up to this point and the ones they will no doubt face in the future.

Internet Spaceships. Serious business!

I have been playing this game for over 4 years and last night i got to build this very cool space station! Tonight i get to do part one of the upgrade. tomorrow night part two. I am so freaking excited... and a complete geek. *grin* 

Photographs

I've been taking them for forever, so has my dad. 

My Mum wanted a new family portrait done a few years ago before she died and we never managed to get it done. Between Mum and dad, my brothers and their partners we didnt seem tot be able to find a time that suited everyone. I have been thinking about getting one done but keep putting it off, I don't like having my photo taken because I don't think I look any good in them, I have a crooked smile, and I still need to lose weight.... I can come up with a million other reasons if you give me enough time. Tonight I fell over this post www.debsphotographs.com/photoblog/2010/05/is-there-a-perfect-time/ and now I think I deserve a king sized arse kicking. Going on my xmas wish list will be "family portrait". If it is just Kim, James and I, I will be happy with that, it doesn't have to be the extended family. Matthew hasn't made so much as a phone call in over 18 months so I don't think he wants to be in a photograph with us :(  Prue and Kaitlin have only just come back into our lives and are very skitish so again... doubtful. So just the 3 of us may be....

Blerg

head hurty 
sick
so very over feeling like yuck 
want it fixed please

RAGE *angry post warning*

I am so incredibly furious! Irresponsible judgemental reporters strike again! I would like to take one Alister Thomson for a long walk through a dark forest. Luckily it's and 8 hour drive away and I'm not allowed to drive.


Hot on the heels of my mothers death, in August 2008 my cousin lost 2 of her 3 children in a house fire which was started by one of her 3 children (all under 4 years old). It was catastrophic. They lost their home, two children (aged 3 and 18 months) and had the reporters in their faces from the very start. We had to keep everything under wraps including the times and location of the funeral so that they would not know where it was and show up. 


Fast forward to October 5th 2010. The inquest has begun and some two bit reporter decides to write an article about my cousins family. its horribly slanted and basically blames her for their deaths as she was suffering from depression! At the bottom of the article is an advertisement!!! 

Beyond blue

This month is “Anxiety and Depression Awareness” month

An initiative by “Beyond Blue”, it aims to raise awareness and reduce the stigma

Over a million people in Australia live with depression

Over two million have an anxiety disorder

More information can be found at www.beyondblue.org.au

I am sick with rage at the way this JERK has failed to deal with this issue with any kind of respect or compassion!